THE WAITING GAME & "WHAT IF?"

One thing Matt and I are getting really 'good' at is this little thing called the waiting game. I can't tell you with certainty what's worse: half way, a year out, six months out, or now being two months away from returning home and opening a new chapter. What I can tell you, is that every milestone during the waiting game seems like the worst while you are in it. Each part comes with difficulty. Right now we are feeling the torture of being so close to our return, yet not close enough to realistically make solid arrangements and plans.

We've had our fill of this part of the world. Both of us feel like we can truly say we did it all. Of course there is never really any end to the trips and activities one can experience abroad, but we really made it a priority to see and do many things here; leaving nothing to long for but home. We literally talk about some aspect of the move/going home/our future every single day. Can you imagine? There is nothing more exciting and yet frustrating.
And so we wait. Matt has began to fill his time with the job hunting process now that he's finished school. Unfortunately that process only adds to the list of things we now are waiting on. I've decided this part is the good part of waiting tho, sort of like Christmas. It's coming, we know it..... there are treasures to be had and shared, we just have to ... WAIT. Are you seeing a trend?

 Meanwhile I took a short break from social media to re-focus on more important things. We are both coping with the waiting process as best as we can. It's definitely best to keep as busy and be as distracted as possible so as to avoid the dreaded "what if?".
"What if  (Insert horrible scenario here)?" Is a lurking thought. The "What if?" mentality is something

all people experience when major life decisions come up. It instills fear in the mind and fear can be debilitating. Fear of failure and less-than-desired outcomes play out in "What if?" scenarios and it can literally zap the motivation from under you. Before you know it, your fear has convinced you to snuff that fire from your heart and leave you out in the cold. Don't get me wrong, "what if?" is an important question, and one that can make people take a step back and examine their choices for the better. Hey, maybe that fire in your heart needs a bit of containment before it burns the whole body down, but don't let it fizzle out so as not to see it's guiding light.
We've decided that "What if?" scenarios are best put to use to help aid and fuel the fire with multiple back-up plans. Where there will be shortcomings there surly will be solutions laced with silver linings. And so we will wait..... and plan... and wait some more....

QUICK ENDINGS TOWARDS NEW BEGINNINGS

Here we are nearing the last week of April already. April has come and (almost) gone so quickly I can hardly believe it. I suppose it goes without saying (allow me to say it anyway)... we approach another month closer to to our new beginnings. The month of April isn't the only thing ending for us. Matt is now within days of finishing his classes and I've recently wrapped up a successful photo shoot season and craft show.
As we wrap-up our obligations here, we are overall increasing our planning strategies for the near future. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my time home with Naomi and new-found freedom (from obligations) as much as possible, and looking forward to Matt joining me in the near future before the "stir-crazy" sets in. It's a nice feeling for sure!
So, with nothing super exciting to report in my daily life, I suppose I will talk about some of these "plans" we have in motion. First and foremost, we are doing super exciting (insert sarcasm) lists to prepare for the movers. We are taking inventory of our things and deciding what will go in which shipment so that the transition can go as smoothly and stress-free as possible.
Part of planning comes dreaming. We are checking craigslist and various other websites for updated lists on vehicles, places to live and jobs. So, as you can see there isn't much going on lately. Between drooling over used SUVs, and wishing we were closer to our time to start applying for this job or that, we are just waiting. Waiting. Planning. Waiting. Planning- repeat.
Hopefully next time I update you on the happenings of the LaClairs, there is actually something more substantive and exciting to report. Meanwhile, I figured it was necessary to update everyone with an obligatory post to assure you all that nothing truly monumental is actually happening.

WHITE WALLS AND TEARS FROM THE SKY

I can almost hear it, their heavy metal door slams hard- one last time. This time it echos louder than ever. Once filled with many of their worldly possessions, their place now remains only a shell; a dark copy like the ones around it.
Saturday mornings brought the familiar comforting smell of bacon. The sounds of cartoons bounced off the television while tired little eyes soaked in it's rays. Distant in a back room he sleeps in a fog, fighting exhaustion from a shift change. In the kitchen the clinking of dishes rings out under the flow of a faucet as she works to defeat the pile of various plates, sippy cups, and bowls accumulated over a long work week. The door is sucked shut ever so hard behind me before I can grasp it to quiet it's thunderous slam. As usual, it announces my presence, as I never do. "Sorry, I've got the window's open" she calls out from the kitchen. Tiny eyes peer up from the couch to observe me. "Menna!" a little voice calls out, "Where's Noni?!?!"
Evidence of their growing family is everywhere. The walls are adorned with photographs of their youthful faces throughout the years, as well as ones of their children at various stages of life. She's hung meaningful art on the walls to make it feel like home. Behind the portraits and art lies brush strokes of color. This color breathes life to the room, creating an illusion that this isn't just another assigned housing unit- it's someone's home. A home they have spent four years in.
And then, it happened one day. He brought home papers that gave them permission to pack up and leave this place. This unit now needed to be returned; it would no longer be their home. And time that once stood still began to fast forward. She struggled to hold onto the days as they spun by. The children played blissfully and unaware on the day the movers came and packed it all away. They spent their last weekend together taking away the remaining evidence of their presence, all but erasing the memories. Coats of white paint concealed the color of life beneath taking with them tiny hand prints. And when it was all done; a bittersweet sigh was released. This chapter is closing for them now. And so the door was closed, or rather slammed shut from the vacuum of air created by the open windows one last time. All that remains are white walls.
Today we all woke up to tears from the sky. Damp clouds blanket the sky and rain falls. There will be no sun this day. Today is the day we all say "goodbye". We like to take comfort in saying it's only temporary, just "Bye for now". We remind ourselves of the fact that we can stay connected via phone calls and modern conveniences like social media and daily texts. While we will indeed do all that we need to do to preserve our friendship, we will truly miss these days together.

And so, to my very best friend here at Yokota I would like to say the following:

Channa,
 I will truly miss you. I will miss everything we share in our daily lives from our stupid inside jokes,
to our warm hugs. My heart hurts knowing you will no longer be a few blocks away. And yet, I promise I will do my best to answer your calls, respond to your messages, and make every effort to connect with you from my end.

I will never forget the memories we built together. I've watched you and your family grow here. I will never forget sharing our first nights together over bottles of wine talking about music, pasts, and our crazy dreams for the future.
I will never forget sharing our pregnancies together- the tears we shared over stretchmarks and the deep, deep smiles we got feeling each other's little girls kick. From the first time we found Naomi's heartbeat to the first glance I got of Karlee the day she was born.
The support we gave each other when our husbands were gone. ALL the support we constantly gave each other from lending an ear about stress at work to fulfilling childcare needs.
We have spent birthdays, holidays, and various sacred days together with our families. We have shared these times, and I hold them near and dear to my heart. I could go on and on and on, but girlfriend there isn't enough damn tissue in this house! So, today as we say our tearful "Goodbye for now", know that I wish you a happy, healthy, and safe journey onto your next chapter.
With so much love,
-Anna

A LOOK BACK

On the road to the future, there's nothing wrong with taking a glance in the rear-view mirror and appreciating the journey that has brought you here. Before I get into our future plans and current updates along the way, I wanted to dedicate a post to our time here at Yokota Air Base.
In many ways, Yokota has been a blessing to us. We have had the opportunity to see parts of the world we might not have otherwise seen, started a family here, built a foundation for future plans, and gained an appreciation for "home".
Let's touch on that last one. Perspective is everything. Living abroad has forced us to make sacrifices and adapt in ways we hadn't imagined. Are there things about Japan that I will miss? Absolutely. But, there are certainly things about it that I will be ecstatic to leave behind. Playing by the rules of another culture can be downright tough. Along the way, we both really grew to appreciate the little things about America that were things we once took for granted. From knowing what is being said on the intercom in an airport to being able to know what the H-E-double hockey stick I'm ordering for lunch will sure be nice! I would be lying if I said I didn't miss being home. I miss it all- the food, the wide-open spaces, the affordability of literally everything! I could go on and on.
It's not just Japan's culture we adjusted to; it's military life. While this life provides certain comforts and assurances, it also comes with a slew of undesirables. We've adopted a saying in our household, "Put it on the list!" The 'list' is a collection of good reasons to get out of the military life and try our hand at being 'normal people'. The 'list' isn't a literal written list of all things hated, but more of a shrug and "Put it on the list" phrase often muttered in disappointment regarding this or  that. Want to cook breakfast on Saturday morning, but ran out of bacon? Unless it's 9:00 you're out of luck! Sorry Charlie, the store doesn't open until 9:00 here, and good luck finding American style bacon off base. Okay, minor thing, right? Let's just go out to breakfast. Nope, not so fast- think again. Today is whatever BS holiday, therefore the one breakfast joint open for business on Saturdays is closed. Go ahead and take your chances with a bakery burrito or experience the sore excuse for a 'Denny's' Japan has. Bet you can't order a breakfast at an American Denny's that has a single sausage, egg and side salad served with miso soup. What's the point right? This breakfast example is one of many little things that are in the pile of irritating things you have to settle for here. Think of glitter getting spilled in a porous rug- most sensible people would put the vacuum away after a couple of reasonable attempts to get it out and realize it's not worth the hassle, might as well get a new rug. And for goodness sake, enough with the glitter!
Alright, before this negative train goes any further south, let's get back on track and re-visit all the good that has come out of our time here- (cheesy puns intended). One of the very first things that we did when we got here is look at the time we had and made a plan to capitalize on "being stuck" abroad for four years. This included a timeline and plan of action to get our finances where we wanted them to be. Almost four years later, I'm proud to say we have been disciplined enough to follow it, and have reached our goals. Of course the opportunities for work were very different here for me, so I not only found a lucrative and fun way to make money, I also learned a new trade. Matt dabbled in entrepreneurship with importing/exporting and flipping cars. I think it's safe to say we both surprised ourselves by reaching new heights personally and professionally here at Yokota. 
We also made one of the biggest life decisions while we were here. We started a family! Stability and timing seemed to line up perfectly for us. We were so blessed to be under the right circumstances. 
Anyway, I'm sure you are catching my drift by now. Leaving Yokota will surely be bitter-sweet for us. We really had a chance to discover ourselves and build a foundation here. With the right circumstances, some resiliency, resourcefulness, and a little bit of luck, we are leaving here better people. In the end, I suppose that's all that matters. Speaking of "the end" I have to share some interesting insight with you. My best friend and I put our heads together for about a half an hour and made a list. You see, if there's one thing to be said about Yokota is, that it changes people for better or worse.  We tried to list all the people we could think of (couples), and were able to come up with 147 between the two of us. Of those couples, 118 had one or more babies, an additional 6 had babies but ended up divorced, 6 more didn't have babies but got divorced and only 17 couples did neither. A couple of realistic theories about these numbers might have to do with the fact that most of the people we know are of the age to start a family. The majority of couples we know also got married (like Matt and myself) only after receiving orders to come here. Regardless, it's undeniable that these numbers are really incredible. Big decisions are made here and lives are changed. It truly is a place to find yourself and figure out what you want in life as a person, as a couple, and as a family.

BACK TO BLOGGING

Ladies and gents, I'm back to blogging! I'm hoping that amidst the chaos of this year's crazy, busy, and beautiful events, I can take solace in blogging through our journey. Interestingly enough, it's been exactly one year since I concluded my blog featuring Naomi's young life and once again, I have the itch to keep a log of our perspective throughout our next big journey; the move 'back home'. 

As you have probably noticed, I titled the blog "Living for today while building our tomorrow". One of the reoccurring themes for us since we started our vague countdown to returning to America has been to look forward to the exciting things to come while appreciating today's blessings. It's really important to us to be mindful of all of the wonderful things we have here. With so much uncertainty on the horizon, we really have tried to be thankful and happy for how many comforts, conveniences, and opportunities we enjoy in our daily lives. 

Let's touch on that last statement. Specifically, "uncertainty on the horizon". While we have some big, exciting plans that will no-doubt change our trajectory, they come at a price. I'm certainly guilty of taking comfort in having control over my life through planning. Everything from knowing where you will work and live- how much you will make, the list goes on and on. WE KNOW NONE OF THIS! We are taking a huge leap of faith, planning and preparing as best we can and making the jump. Can you imagine? We are giving up a sure thing and a comfortable life in the hopes/dreams/plans that we will make a better life for ourselves. Ironically, this was a huge reason on what we like to call 'the list' of reasons to get out. With Matt in the military, we knew we would have little to no control over where we lived, when we moved, how much we made, and so on.  Seeing lots of our military friends go through various scenarios from getting PCS orders to move six days after closing on the home they just bought, to being stuck in a miserable job in a place they never cared to live in has started to get old. We are at a point now where we want to put down roots and make a life for ourselves with limitless control; both things that are not necessarily possible in the military.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all bad. In fact, not at all! We have enjoyed the comforts of a steady income, consistent benefits, a stable home with modern comforts, and the chance of a lifetime to see parts of the world we might not otherwise have seen. Believe it, we sure did do it all, and we are not done. BUT, that being said we also sacrificed these elements of control over our future and find that we are no longer willing to do so. 

Anyway, now that I've provided you with some insight as to why we are making the "jump" to get out, let me address this "we" thing. I'm sure there is the burning question of "isn't HE the one getting out of the military?" Sure. Of course that's the cut and dried version of it but, that's not how life works folks. In order for a family unit to function and prosper, it takes a team to make decisions, support one-another, and follow through. When I said "I do", I too became a part of the military life. I left my family, modified my career, and started a life thousands of miles away because I made a commitment to someone I love. When he told me he was unhappy with the circumstances of his career and all the potential he felt he wasn't able to fulfill by staying in, I supported that decision and we began making plans for a life 'on the outside' together. So, be warned I won't be getting rid of this 'we' business anytime soon. 

Next up, I will be taking you all on a look back at our time here. Part of looking forward is looking back and being appreciative of the journey. Just today on my way home I caught myself replaying the first drive out to our little home. We were so excited. I will never forget driving through a bright, fun,  new (to us) neighborhood on our way to see what these keys we held would reveal behind the door to the place we would call home for the next four years. Today it's lonely and quiet. They have stopped filling units around as people have moved out in preparation for renovations. What was once a busy and bustling neighborhood remains the remote families like us living out their time until the next adventure. We have grown to appreciate and embrace the change. While there may be some dark elements to being one of the last families standing, there is something to be said for knowing your time is quickly approaching too. And hey, these quiet/peaceful evenings have grown on us!